Have you ever gotten the very thing you knew you wanted only to realize it didn’t bring you true happiness?
I’m raising my hand! Because I have had that personal experience with fleeting happiness, I was intrigued by Sonja Lyubomirsky’s latest book, The Myth of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn’t; What Shouldn’t Make You Happy but Does. In the book she explores several key passages to adulthood, which focuses on three main areas: relationships, money and work, and middle age issues. According to Lyubomirsky,
“nearly all of us buy into the myths of happiness—beliefs that certain adult achievements ( marriage, kids, jobs, wealth) will make us forever happy and that certain adult failures or adversities (health problems, not having a life partner, having little money) will make us forever unhappy.”
Through her own personal research and the research of others, Lyubomirsky’s seeks to show readers how these myths have been reinforced by culture . Although the research shows that happiness is transitory primarily because of what she calls “hedonic adaptation”, which is our ability to easily become adapted to something and begin to take it for granted, the book offers ways we can choose to have more fulfilling lives.
For me this book was a slow read but I like the concept of the book and I believe that society as a whole would do better, if we had more people teaching these truths. Perhaps if people knew it was normal to have these ebbs and flows of happiness in their relationships, there would be lower rates of divorce. It’s the chasing of this illusive happiness that keeps so many unsettled and unsatisfied hopping from relationship to relationship, job to job.
The key things I took away from the book was the importance of gratitude and remembering (how things use to be) plays into us having fulfilling lives. In the end, I was reminded of a saying I heard sometime ago—happiness is about happenings. And truth is that sometimes in life the happenings aren’t so good but we can still choose to walk in joy.
About the Author:
Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., is Professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. She received 
her B.A. from Harvard University and her Ph.D. in social psychology from Stanford University. Lyubomirsky and her research have been the recipients of many honors, including the 2002 Templeton Positive Psychology Prize and a multiyear grant from the National Institute of Mental Health. She lives in Santa Monica, California, with her family.
About the Book:
Hardcover: 320 pages
Publisher: The Penguin Press ( January 3, 2013)
Find out what others thought of the book by visiting the TLC Tour page. Thanks to TLC Book Tours and Penguin Press for the opportunity to review this book. I was provided a complimentary copy of the book. No other compensation was provided.
For me, it’s hard to just think “I have what I need to survive; I’m better off than many,” because there are things I need to feel completely fulfilled. It’s about my individual needs rather than a general must-have. Not all of those needs are there, and while it doesn’t make me strictly unhappy, joy I can’t share is diminished. I’m paraphrasing Mark Twain here, but he was right.
Hi Elizabeth, how’s the new job going? Learning to balance contentment with desiring more is hard one for me.
Hi! Wanda GOD Bless you…I am home setting here reading what you have brought forth for us to think upon. I was wrapped into thinking that having the good paying job, carrying the big title, being married having the children, driving the fancy car would all make me happy. But of course things doesn’t nor people can make us happy. It’s really about being grateful and thankful for what we have or don’t have. Even having all those things or people in my life there would always comes my own trials, pains, hurts, etc. I am happy today then I have ever been in my entire life. I am learning to appreciate all that I have or don’t have. So I agree with what you said “The truth is that sometimes in life the happenings aren’t so good but we can still choose to walk in joy, and I choose to walk in joy. Amen!! Amen!! Thank you once again for sharing this with us all. Have a wonderful weekend…keep doing what God has called you out to do in His name, and that is sharing and encourage us as well. Agape! 🙂
Hi Ms Betty, reading your words of encouragement always bring a smile to my face and they always seem to come at just the right moment. You use that gift well my friend. I totally understand about thinking position, prestige, and possessions would bring happiness but I too have found that with all the stuff there can be voids in one’s life. I’m grateful for the One that truly satisfies. Have a wonderful weekend!
Ah, the trap of happiness. Seems like I’ll forever be sorting out the difference between earthly happiness and eternal joy. Circumstances bring fleeting feelings (happiness) – but salvation brings soul security (joy).
Sounds like an interesting book.
GOD BLESS!
Amen so very well said Sharon
Hi Wanda,
Well, happiness, is kinda’ strange,in and of, itself. I choose joy over happiness, because it can not be stolen. I see joy as what God gave to me through Christ. I see happiness as something that is man-given. It’s hard to explain. I don’t think it’s the word, itself, that is strange, but what we define as being happy. Happiness seems fleeting and discomforting. I remember being “happy” when I was a young woman and how unfulfilling it felt, after a period of time…. Even when my world is being destroyed and tears are streaming down my cheeks, I find a deep joy in kneeling at His feet in prayer and stillness. So, I’m finished with happiness. I’ll take joy, fulfillment and a peace when there is no peace, over happiness, any day. I think I may read this book and recommend a book that I really enjoyed: Emotional Longevity: What Really Determines How Long You Live by Norman B. Anderson and Elizabeth Anderson. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this one.
Hi Cynthia, I love the way you explained the difference between happiness and joy. The beauty of joy is that is does not rely on what is going on around us. Thanks for the book recommendation. I will put that on my TBR list. Hope you have a great weekend.
I think your comment about today’s divorce rates is spot on; if people had more realistic expectations I think there would be far fewer divorces.
Thanks for being a part of the tour!
Heather it’s my pleasure. I appreciate the opportunity to join the tour and look forward to working with TLC in the future.