The longer I stay away from this blogging place, the harder I find it to get back into the swing of things. Some how the pressure to perform has sapped all the writing inspiration out of me. The calendar has declared it’s spring but I still feel the barrenness of winter in the depths of my soul. In some ways I feel calloused and cold, dry and longing for the spring rains to fall upon my parched soul once again.
In many ways I feel lost yet nothing has really changed. All things remain on the same course. Perhaps it’s the sameness of the course that is causing a restlessness within my spirit. But I have an ache for something more that does not yet appear upon the horizon.
Lately I have been reading Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life With Less Baggage by Allison Vesterfelt and I have done so much highlighting in this book. The book shares the story of how the author gets the courage to follow her dream of traveling all 50 states along with her friend who dreams of being a singer. Although I admire their courage to leave behind the safety and confines of their typical day-to-day life, the book also helps me see all the places I’m holding excess things that only confined in the end.
Freedom is complicated. Sometimes the things we think will make us feel free don’t. And sometimes the things we worry will pin us down are exactly the things that teach us what we wish we knew all along—that freedom is less about circumstances than it is about perspective.
It’s one of those books that I can not speed through. It leaves me deep in self reflection on all the many ways I have accumulated excess and challenges me to ask different questions of myself and my environment.
She hits on many things that have a way of weighing us down like:
- doing the right thing because that is what is expected and it leaving us feeling frustrated and angry
- becoming too attached to following the rules
- being fearful of making the wrong decisions
- keeping quiet about our insecurities
Here’s another one of my favorite quotes from the book thus far,
Disclosure: Thanks to Story Cartel for providing a complimentary copy of the book in exchange for honest review.
Hi Wanda! I am really sorry that you find yourself in a spiritual winter. It’s a hard season, and I know that from experience. I’m glad you are finding some inspiration in the book you are reading. I’m sure the author is telling you that trying to sit in the quiet is helpful too. God will tell you how much he loves you there.
That whole freedom issue is an interesting one isn’t it? We want it so much, God gave it to us. And as Rich Mullins says “there’s been sorrow and trouble in the world ever since…’ like you said, some things we choose will make us happy, and some will not. But I know God will guide us to your union with him. Thats where the real joy is.
Blessings to you, and a prayer for clarity too,
Ceil
Thank you Ceil for those words of comfort and prayer. They are much appreciated.
Wanda, I’m rarely speechless, but right now I am. It’s as if you opened my mind and wrote how I’ve felt for months. I feel as if everyone is planting gardens and heading for the beach, but I’m like a hibernating bear … sitting in the same frozen spot.
Ahh virtual hugs to you my friend. I know how it feels to feel as if your out of season. May we find comfort in knowing that the times and seasons of our lives are in the hands of the Almighty.
Love that quote, Wanda. Ties into what God has been speaking to my heart all week. (I actually wrote a post title Sleepwalking last week.)
Oh wow I must take a look at that one Lyli.
Wanda, this speaks volumes: ” Perhaps it’s the sameness of the course that is causing a restlessness within my spirit. But I have an ache for something more that does not yet appear upon the horizon.”
These specific two sentences speak to my heart in different ways. I’m not online but went to my email to find something I had emailed to myself that I needed, and saw your post and took a “read”. So glad I did. Popped in to say, thanks for sharing today!
Love you!
Appreciate you taking the time to let me know that it resonated with you Lisa. It sort of felt as if I was rambling as i wrote but it’s comforting to know others are walking along similar paths. Hugs & love to you sweet sister.
You described how I feel. There is this spiral and I feel like I’m chasing light and have lost my creative voice online. How did it happen? I missed a few poetic challenges, a few family ventures, my internet has been lagging and I am lost like Peter Pan lost his shadow. Thank you Wanda for this post…I will go look at this book~ I hope you find your horizon..you new one, soon! (((Hugs)))
Ella I think it happens oh so gradually that it kind of sneaks upon us. I’m definitely looking for brighter days and wishing you the same my dear.
It is good that the book is helping you.
I love the qoutes from the book.
hope you get better and blossoms once again like spring. God gives us new beginning all the time:)
Indeed he does Joy!
I experienced these (very similar) emotions and restlessness during the end of last year. I simply put down my pen and took a break from writing among many other things. “Breaking away” from the rules and obligations I had set on myself eventually healed and soothed my heart and soul. I am feeling rested and reunited after two months of “less baggage”! ?
Blessings and love Wanda as you discover and heal the restlessness in your spirit dear friend… ?
Denise
Thank you Denise. Most of the pressure I feel is rather self-imposed. Lot’s of things flow through my mind but getting into a concrete piece seems difficult many days. Appreciate you Denise.
Oh how I can relate to this, Wanda!
I’m trying to decide whether to quit school and really push on my books. I’ve half made up my mind to do so, but I’m still waffling. Part of what is holding me back is a strong desire to play it safe–school kind of made sense, but I’m afraid that I chose it for fear of what I CAN’T do. The risk comes from trying something that I CAN do.
Plus, I asked for a sign and two answers came to me–one immediately, and the other a few days later. One is about the books and I suspect it will lead to the other. I keep having the feeling that something major is going to happen, but it has nothing to do with school. So that is confusing the issue as well. (Hoping something I requested and what it is are the same thing!)
I have to take a step and trust that all will be well and that I’m being led off the path I chose out of fear. I think I can do it. 🙂
You certainly can do it Elizabeth. I can so relate to choosing the easier option. I did that once in my career but ended up circling back and going with what I thought was riskier. And it’s funny how they both blended together.
I enjoy rules – it’s like I’m winning – doing it right when I can go by the rule – but raising these boys has thrown lots of unnecessary rules out the window – and it has lessened the burden, liberating me to love better. I am so glad you are here, writing – sometimes its hard waiting on God to pour into us the message to pour out – but that is part of the lesson. That’s where I throw out the rules – and just wait on God. Wishing you sweet blessing this week – for your sweet heart! I am always blessed when I come by here!
Love the way you said. It reaffirms a God whisper I had earlier today. Sweet blessings to you this week as well.
I totally understand your feelings. I thought this season would have passed for me already, but I am still in the middle of it. I am thankful God is using books and the words of others to speak to my heart a lot these days.
Some seasons last far longer than what we expect. I’m sure there will be great growth on the other side for you Barbie.